The Subtle Early Warning Signs of a Covert Narcissist.

By Sabine Fourneaux

Because NPDs are still unique people with likes, dislikes and preferences of their own, it becomes a task of seeing the overall pattern of behaviors. This can be difficult when in the early stages with a covert Narcissist.

Here are things I look back on and recognize from my cNPD:

  • Unpredictable, you never know with certainty what to expect or they do not come through on commitments
  • Inconsistency, words and actions not matching
  • Inexplicable behaviors that leave you confused or questioning yourself
  • Intense beginning with constant contact and romantic gestures
  • The relationship cycles with cooldowns for no reason, then heats up again
  • You wonder where you stand with them and begin to feel insecure
  • You rationalize what their behaviors and words mean
  • Amazing sex disappears, sex becomes quick and mechanical
  • They stop initiating sex
  • They start to turn down sex
  • You come across their pornography
  • You feel deep empathy for their internal struggles, they may cry often
  • Past relationships all hurt them deeply and you find yourself working hard to show them how different you will be
  • No friends from childhood or work, or you are not introduced to them
  • Prefers the company of women
  • Easily embarrassed, may come across as shy and introverted
  • Difficulty handling failure, stress or making decisions
  • Changes mind frequently
  • Filled with self doubt
  • Needs to always make a good impression
  • Effort to be perfect in every way, in everything
  • They need everyone to like them and can act out of character to achieve that
  • People pleasing behaviors publicly, resentful privately
  • No hobbies or passions
  • Superficial closeness to family
  • Moments of blankness in situations that should elicit emotional response
  • Inexplicable silences or absences
  • Manipulating or ignoring your emotions when you want to discuss something important
  • Very private, stories about themselves will be vague and not full of detail
  • You feel confusion but do not understand why
  • You develop anxiety which is only relieved by them
  • Your thoughts begin to centre around their happiness and needs more then your own
  • Childlike behaviors
  • Charming and warm in public but cool and detached in private — or vice versa depending on how they are feeling about you
  • Being ignored or triangulated when others are around
  • They laugh at you or tease you, then tell you that you are being too sensitive
  • You end up the one who feels guilty when they have done something
  • Does not work to resolve conflict, avoids or denies problems
  • Bursts of inexplicable rage over small things, including aggressive driving
  • No matter how much they share you feel like you don’t really know them
  • You develop physical symptoms which you did not have before and have no medical cause
  • You become their cheerleader, putting your needs second
  • You strive to be the perfect partner to keep them happy

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