Narcissists follow scripts.
You are not who you truly are, you are just a character in their script (either an extra or a supporting role).
They are not who they truly are, they are just a character in their own script (always the lead character).
The whole world is not what their eyes see and ears hear, it’s stage props in their own script.
Everything is being forcibly stuffed into the pigeon holes of their fantasy scripts. The rest are erased or discarded. Whatever cannot be twisted or violated to cram into where it is not supposed to fit into never existed, the narcissist pretends these things were never said, never seen, or never happened.
Whenever things don’t go according to script, the narcissist gets upset. Tantrums happen. Unpredictable hostility happens.
Therefore the way to get along with the narcissist is to adhere to and play out their script.
Except the problem is that they don’t tell you what your script is, or their script. They aren’t self-aware enough to realize that they think in fantasies and run on script. If they knew, they couldn’t be a narcissist.
You’d have to guess the script without being given one.
Therefore the best way to guess is to think like a codependent or a flying monkey. To be the opposite of authentic, to study them closely for cues on how you should behave, and also study them for cues on who they want to think they are. And then give them what they want, without them asking, because the narcissist will never come forward and state what they want, they actually don’t know what they want, they just want it intensely, for fantasy script reasons.
Narcissists actually don’t want things. They have no real plan, cannot really reason, and therefore cannot reasonably justify wants. Therefore their wants are ‘wants’ not reasoned, justified, planned wants. The wants of a narcissist follow script. They want this or that for the same reason why this episode of sitcom needs a helicopter or a glitter encrusted toilet or police uniforms for the whole cast, because it fits into the plot of this week’s episode, and only this episode. After this episode, all that suddenly becomes junk.
Beware, the script changes all the time, you are like on a studio complex, walk into another set and you have a different script, different shows are in production in every set. That’s how a narcissist’s mind is like, many sets, many disjointed fantasies, many different incoherent mini-scripts, the rules change all the time. You think you are in a sitcom, everything was going fine while you played the role of the clown for them, but then suddenly the set changes without you realizing it and you are in a slasher movie set, and you are now the screaming, running cheerleader being chased by a chainsaw wielder, while still in a clown outfit.
Or you are playing the good wife to a rough diamond husband. Everything has been going well for a while now, but then suddenly it’s degradation time, the rules change, everything changed, you are no longer the good wife, you have been recast into a different role, without your consent or realization.
No matter how hard you try to get along with a narcissist, and no matter how temporarily successful you are, your degradation is eventually guaranteed.
The only way to get along with a narcissist is either temporarily, or with brief, shallow contacts. And while doing so, to play out your role in their script. And hope the script doesn’t suddenly change on you. Or be hypervigilant and constantly watch out for sudden script changes while studiously playing out the current script, this is actually the recipe for becoming anxiety prone and acquiring c-PTSD.
No one who intends to become intimate with the narcissist can hope to ever stay getting along with them. The narcissist’s true self is everyone’s enemy. The narcissist wars with the neighbor and rebels against all that is good. Because the narcissist cannot love.
The soul of the wicked desires evil;
His neighbor finds no favor in his eyes.
42 Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love Me, for I proceeded forth and came from God; nor have I come of Myself, but He sent Me.
43 Why do you not understand My speech? Because you are not able to listen to My word.
44 You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.
45 But because I tell the truth, you do not believe Me.
46 Which of you convicts Me of sin? And if I tell the truth, why do you not believe Me?
47 He who is of God hears God’s words; therefore you do not hear, because you are not of God.”
13 Therefore I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand. 14 And in them the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled, which says:
‘Hearing you will hear and shall not understand,
And seeing you will see and not perceive;
15 For the hearts of this people have grown dull.
Their ears are hard of hearing,
And their eyes they have closed,
Lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears,
Lest they should understand with their hearts and turn,
So that I should heal them.’
8 Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.
9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,” “You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.