From a post by Brian Bryant, Quora.
Narcissists discard for many reasons, but generally, in the end, it is to maintain an illusory control over the target.
A narcissist knows they are pathological liars, and purposefully rebellious against the rules (including people’s boundaries, and sense of self). Therefore, abandonment & betrayal are frequently at the narcissist’s forefront of the mind.
The narcissist’s fear of abandonment is not centered around a need for love; these cringeworthy assumptions have lazily evolved out of shallow misunderstanding. Similarly, the narcissist’s craving for attention is not caused by a deep-rooted childhood deficit.
- Narcissists have ego-obesity. The leading cause of obesity is not childhood starvation.
- Narcissists do not fear abandonment for a loss of love. Narcissists anticipate separation and equate abandonment with control.
A Narcissist Falsely Associates Engagement & Disengagement With Power.
In the narcissist’s world, abandonment means power; when a narcissist is abandoned, they feel a loss of power. When a narcissist abandons people, they uphold the idea that:
“I dictate the life & death of attraction—not you. You don’t get that power.”
The narcissist is obsessed with power; they abandon people before they can discover the true nature of the narcissist, in order to convince themselves they are the ones in control.
The reality is, however, that abandoning someone is not power—because the liberty to reach back out to someone is always a possibility.
Narcissists create “rules” by which we are all supposedly supposed to bow down in amazement and awe at, despite the fact that they are rebellious to everyone else’s. Their rules do not mean anything. The narcissist fictitiously and pathetically upholds a false narrative whereby “discarding someone means they are the ones in control”.
The truth is that their relationships are all fake to begin with.
They are built on facades; once the victim realizes the truth about the narcissist’s true nature, the narcissist loses all power because they will lose the liberty to ever re-engage.
Not that it matters, because narcissists do not always try to reach back out; but the truth is that there is another wavelength the narcissist is forbidden to enter. The abuser betrays themselves and burns bridges when they trick, exploit, and then abandon people.
The narcissist has no power at all anymore after they abandon someone; they piss people off to the point that they gravely limit their freedom in this world, and stir up wars with social divisions.
The Truth of Who’s Really In Power.
- Rape by Fraud: If the answer to you is no, so you lie about who and what you are to make them say yes, then you are a rapist. No means no; no does not mean brainwashing people to get in their pants. You’re a rapist, not a true person. A false contract counts as nonconsent.
- A wise victim chooses to ostracize the narcissist for the rest of their lives, whether the rapist ever tries to reach back out or not. Whether they encounter each other again, is beside the point.
- The narcissist always loses control, no matter how they play it; such is the price for being a liar who creates fake relationships and betrays people.
- In truth, the narcissist was rejected, but they didn’t want to face it, so they lied to take something from the victim.
- Most narcissists refuse to ever re-engage with their victims because they are too cowardly to face the truth of their rejection.
The truth is, the narcissist was rejected from day one, but they lied about themselves to pervert the course of justice.
Perverting the course of justice, only to reject the person you tricked, makes you now a liar, a user, abuser, and rapist—not a person who is in control.
- In terms of discarding to “maintain control”, rejection is a two-way street; in the end, the narc’s rule that “the one who dumps the other is the one in control” is a lie; the narcissistic media funds this lie, because Hollywood is controlled by narcissists.
- In truth, the narcissist was rejected before you ever got together.
- The predators absolutely loathe & resent this fact, and will harass anyone who sees through & exposes it.
- The narcissist will tell you that “you are embarrassingly obsessed, hurt, bitter, hateful, angry, in denial, and pathetically in need of companionship” if you expose the fact that they were rejected before you got together; it’s part of the gaslighting to make you believe they aren’t pathological liars, or that you are one as well so “it was tit before tat”.
- The narcissist is a loser; they lie to avoid facing their rejection, and they discard their victims in a pathetic attempt to convince others they aren’t the reject.
- The major problem is by the time this happens, they’ve already violated the person.
The narcissist is always rejected first because they are predatory liars; they are not “childhood victims who need help to open up”. They are predatory liars; they are rejected before you even meet, so they love bomb, fake, pretend, lie, rape, use, and steal in order to avoid this truth.
- Narcissists bypass people’s secure boundaries using deception. If you have to lie to win people’s approval, then you are rejected.
- Usually, once the truth comes out and the fraud cannot be sustained, the rejected narcissist tries to humiliate, demonize, and/or ghost a victim to pretend like they are the ones doing the rejecting.
The discard is an attempt to hide the truth of the seduction and initial rejection they bypassed using deception.
Conclusion: It’s not about “who dumped who”; if it was about who rejected who, the narcissist is always the reject. No God-fearing person would willfully engage with a cheater who is an addict in denial, an abuser, a pathological liar likely to contract many diseases, destroy their property, take things from them, and make their lives a living hell.
It’s about the deception: The rape by fraud, the theft, the molestation by deception, the lies, gas lighting, and social terrorism.