The art of manipulation is not about making people do what you want them to do but rather getting them to want to do what you want them to do. The Art of War by Sun Tzu
Our Human nature to believe whom we love.
Manipulation is a long game, narcissists do not lead you to water, but they make you thirsty. They do not truly communicate, but they are always trying to make an impression instead.
When narcissists are trying to impress, they are busy trying to sound and look, instead of communicating. They aren’t listening, they are scanning, mimicking the expressions, They observe the effects, and tune their behavior to win the kind of reaction they want. In other words, they are PLAYING that person for the reaction they want. This is called manipulation.
“It’s the act of an idealized version of who they really are, an impressive idealized version of them, to get what they want.”
Forms of manipulation?
I. You’re very sensitive.
Manipulation is the cover of the small insignificant comments thrown here and there. This is how they will usually begin to exert control over their victims, it’s a short hidden abuse, but in fact, it’s an insidious attack.
II. We are special.
To convince you of the unique and special bond they have. They may use phrases such as “I’ve never felt this kind of love for anyone before”. In other words, it’s the grooming to sow the seeds for the victim’s future tolerance of more hurtful abuse.
III. I was only joking.
Dismissing insults or criticisms by claiming that they didn’t really mean them. They know full well that their prey will have been wounded by the initial comment, but make their excuses to cover up their malicious intent.
IV. Anything you say, can and will be used against you.
It’s the ability to tease a person’s insecurities out of them and to identify all of the things that the other person considers as flaws. And using them against you when needed.
V. Hidden criticism.
It’s the “I like your shirt, but it really doesn’t flatter your figure” as a means of softening the impact while trying to criticize you.
Shifting the problem to someone else. It’s the release of words designed to convince the other person of their wrongdoing, to push them into believing they have done wrong even when they haven’t.
They make accusations such as “you’re paranoid” or “you’re a control freak.”
It’s the cloud of lies they draw you into, to blind you from the truth
The more a narcissist can confuse their victim, the easier it becomes to make them bend to their will. By blurring the other person’s perception of reality.
VIII. Singling out the victim.
They will claim things such as “you’re the only person I have this problem with” or “nobody else ever seems to misunderstand me like you do” in order to make the victim believe that the issue lies with them.
Back to the question…
Why do narcissists manipulate?
- Because narcissists are not used to saying the truth, it’s a manipulative technique to feed their addiction to attention and adoration. And to exert more power over you to control you.
- Narcissists are opportunists, they will use manipulation wherever they feel they have something to gain, they feel entitled to exploit you, they welcome any kind of supply, whether it’s positive or negative.
- Because they are afraid of not getting the desired ends.
- Because they lack worthiness.
- Because they lack consciousness when their internal intents are prioritized. And they perceive the world as an unsafe place.
- Because its a form of control.
- Because it’s a form of Deception and they are used to it, they deceive themselves so why they don’t deceive you.
- Because it’s challenging and thrilling.
- Because it’s not boring and feeds their egoistic mind to toy you.
- Because it maintains the flow of you supply the negative one as well as the positive one.
- Because no one will give them anything if they asked for what they really want.
Manipulation is presenting the malice as grace. Preservation of the fake self as good as a great is a manipulation and Deception. Manipulation is one of their shields.