What do narcissists crave?

By Veronica Welles, posted to Quora.

Narcissists generate a monthly load of toxic pus in the form of uncontrollable negative feelings.

This load keeps building up and building up over the course of the month until they reach a stage akin to having to go to the toilet. They need to relieve themselves of it.

Superficially, you can say that narcissists crave supply, or attention, or they crave winning and feeling like they are better than everyone else.

But I suspect that deep down in their innermost core, what they crave the most is to relieve themselves regularly of their monthly toxic pus buildup.

They crave going to toilet.

So that they can relieve themselves of the internal pressure.

And achieve something akin to bliss from the sheer relief of voiding it.

Being a narcissist means:

  • everything to do with the narcissist always eventually turns sour (why?)
  • left to their own devices, the narcissist always eventually goes into a funk (why?)
  • given enough time, the narcissist always eventually ends up hating their idealized heroes (why?)
  • if you are familiar with your narcissist, you always know that the good days will be followed by harrowing days (why?)
  • it’s because toxic pus unavoidably builds up in them
  • this toxic pus has its own buildup timetable and is probably what’s responsible for the narcissistic cycle of abuse and love-bombing, idealization and devaluation
  • like a bladder, the narcissist can only contain a limited amount of toxic pus before the need to relieve themselves of it becomes dire
  • the narcissist has no control over the pus, they can do nothing to avoid generating it regularly, they can do nothing to reduce its supply, the only control they exert is to void it

The toxic pus drives them more insane and is responsible for the most toxic part of the narcissistic cycle:

  • the full-blown psychosis
  • the uncontrollable irritability and annoyance at anything and everything, including the ambient temperature of the room
  • the senseless violence towards loved ones
  • the senseless need to be emotionally cruel
  • the senseless need to psychologically dominate
  • the senseless need to tell full-blown lies over nothing
  • the senseless need to tear down people, opinions, things they see on TV, to argue against everything including news reports, and generally being senselessly and toxicly contrarian
  • the compulsion to do evil, to harm, to injure, to offend, to ruin and wreck things, to alienate friends and family, to self-destruct or destroy others

Perhaps, in many ways, the monthly toxic pus theory is responsible for the narcissistic cycle.

Where does self-exaltation, attention vampirism, and the epic mindset fit in?

These things also somewhat relieve the toxic pus, but they probably only achieve up to a maximum of 40% of the relief. Only cruelty and ruination of something can handle the rest of the 60–80%. Because the positives of self-exaltation cannot compare with the bliss of voiding the negative pus. And actually, the blissful relief of voiding a full bag of pus probably feels way better than self-exaltation. (How do you (the non-narcissist) feel when you obtain genuine stress or pain relief?)

And because of that, there is no such thing as a merry narcissist. Cruelty and ruination are built into the narcissist, and the reason for that is the uncontrollable steady generation of toxic pus that makes them need to cyclically senselessly ruin everything.

This explains one puzzling thing, which is, everybody experiences boredom. But why is the boredom of the narcissist so bad that it brings out their black dog? Why does a bored narcissist become a cruel and abusive narcissist? Why does a bored narcissist become crazily risk-taking and self-destructive (and seeks to destroy you)?

These questions are unanswerable if we assume that the narcissist’s boredom is experienced exactly the same way as yours.

On the other hand, they are readily answerable through the toxic pus theory. Boredom plus toxic pus leads to an incredible need to relieve themselves. Psychological breakdown (or something even more dire) might result if the toxic pus is allowed to build without relief and it breaks its containment bag. Boredom accentuates the feeling and awareness of the uncontrollable drip drip dripping toxic pus buildup in them.

This makes the narcissist compulsively go hunting for someone to go to the toilet on.


That’s what narcissists crave, someone who will be their toilet. Their relief.


Perhaps it’s fun to degrade people. Perhaps narcissists obtain pleasure and delight from doing it.

But if degradation achieves voiding of their pus, then degradation might be a necessary psychological maintenance function.

They might need to degrade to stay sane and keep staying sane because degradation might achieve upwards of 80% of the voiding of the toxic pus.

Might degradation be a critical self-maintenance function of the narcissist?

Narcissists might not just be negative people, they might not be just toxic people, but they might actually be people whose negativity and toxicity follows somewhat predictable cycles.

Their negativity and toxicity might increase over the course of the month up to critical levels. Until it needs critical voiding.

Then quickly after voiding, the narcissist exhibits the greatest sanity and positivity for a duration.

And then it declines as the bag gradually refills.

Knowing this might lead to practical theories of how to avoid the worst of the narcissistic abuse.

If we can plot the cycle on a graph, we can identify peaks and troughs, and perhaps benefit from knowing the timing.

Original, full post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s