They hurt you, they feel shame, they hate feeling shame so they’ll hurt you more for making them feel shame for having hurt you… And down the rabbit hole you go.
A healthy person feels shame for their actions. The shame causes them to self-improve. Shame fuels moral self-improvement.
A narcissist feels shame for their actions. The shame causes them to compulsively do something aggressive or violent to destroy the source of the shame (you). Shame fuels further moral degeneracy.
You can shame a healthy person into ‘quitting it’.
If you shame a narcissist enough, they may immediately seek to injure you.
Lesser shame produces a psychotic state of lower level compulsive abuse, e.g. nonstop gaslighting, nonstop lying, nonstop blame shifting, nonstop counteraccusations, etc. When in this state, the narcissist is fully delusional and in a state of psychosis, they cannot perceive reality and they cannot hold back from compulsive southwardness.
Healthy people and narcissists deal with shame in opposite ways.
- Shame improves healthy people.
- Shame drives narcissists further downhill.
This is how a narcissist deals with shame:
- Do anything to avoid feeling it (only leads to bad outcomes)
- Feel it intensely and immediately resort to violence to ‘deal’ with it (only leads to bad outcomes)
There is no improvement pathway for narcissists. There is no pathway to repentance. There is no ladder to get them out of their perverse hole. Their inverted nature means they only want to dig a deeper hole to get themselves out of their hole.
Ultimately, narcissists don’t make sense morally.
All narcissists are convinced that two wrongs make one right. That doing bad things leads to good outcomes. That if they murdered someone, and then eliminated all the witnesses, they murdered no one (because nobody saw it).
Their morality stems from an absolute lack of fear of God.
This all has to do with this:
- The path of harmony, accountability, obedience
- The path of aggression, disregardance, rebellion
Those stuck on the path of aggression, disregardance, rebellion cannot handle truth and good.
Shame is a way of being informed that you failed to be good and true just then.
- The path of harmony, accountability, and obedience produces repentance
- The path of aggression, disregardance, rebellion produces some form of violence (discardance and disregardance are actually forms of micro-violence)
Additional material :
My conscience drives me to add this, there is healthy shame and unhealthy shame. Unhealthy shame is based on lies. We only feel unhealthy shame when we buy into lies.
Refuse to buy into lies. Refuse to feel unhealthy shame. This is important as narcissists will use unhealthy shame against you.
Walk in truth as much as possible. Be as morally blameless as possible.
Your righteousness will be your greatest shield against unhealthy shame and lie-based shaming.